


I Want To Find You (Tear Out All Of Your Tenderness)

by NoctisXit



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark, Feral Behavior, Horror, Kidnapping, M/M, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoctisXit/pseuds/NoctisXit
Summary: "Grimmjow ached.It was a burn that scorched him from the inside, a thirst he couldn't quench, a despair that was born from the depths of a yearning that grew day after day, with such intensity, he could swear the hole at the center of his abdomen was growing through all of him, about to devour him and make him disappear, turning him to something even more inhuman than what he was now, all instincts and hunger."
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	I Want To Find You (Tear Out All Of Your Tenderness)

**Author's Note:**

> 'Howl' by Florence + The Machine is peak GrimmIchi energy, sorry.

Grimmjow _ached._

It was a burn that scorched him from the inside, a thirst he couldn't quench, a despair that was born from the depths of a yearning that grew day after day, with such intensity, he could swear the hole at the center of his abdomen was growing through all of him, about to devour him and make him disappear, turning him to something even more inhuman than what he was now, all instincts and _hunger._

Deep and unending. 

He tore through another hollow, jaws closed tightly and piercing through chunks of muscle and bone, feasting upon the decadence of warm blood and reiryoku, grunting in mild appreciation and deranged frustration. It wasn't enough. It was never enough. 

Before, when things had been simpler, lonelier, consuming other hollows had been enough to give him some semblance of fulfillment, he felt stable, stronger. _Complete_. 

But now. 

Now the emptiness was a constant, a gnawing on his chest, the back of his mind, a growl and demand from Pantera whenever he let his consciousness to wander away from the present, if he allowed himself to remain undistracted for too long. Something difficult to avoid when living in the expanse of sand and dark skies of Hueco Mundo, with nothing more interesting to do than prowl along the lands that he proclaimed as his own, challenging any creature stupid enough to not yield immeadiatly to his presence. He was the _king_ , now, but his domain couldn't offer him what he desired. 

_No._

What he desired, _what he needed_ , was somewhere between the living, rotting in normalcy and simplicity, with no more fighting, no more raw power he could exploit, Ichigo Kurosaki could do nothing but settle back down in the meniality of a human existence and Grimmjow despised it, despised how destiny could dare to deprive him from his prey. Turning him into a partner, instead, because still able to see and hear him, Ichigo had humored him, shown himself patient and resourceful to grant him the fight that he had longed to hold. 

Fighting in a gigai, Grimmjow had found out, lacked the flashiness and brutality that he was used to have, the rush of adrenaline was just the same, though, the exhilaration of seeing that wild expression and look on Kurosaki was, too, and the feeling of sharp pain brought forward by fists and kicks and jabs was a sweet addition as well. The tenderness of careful hands patching his 'body' up when everything was said and done had also been… not horrible at all, and he would admit, maybe, just a bit _nice._

And in the end, Grimmjow had gotten what he went to find, in a completely different form, but satisfying all the same. And he dared to believe, he had given Ichigo something he had been desperate to get, too. The satisfaction of a good fight, or someone looking at him as an equal, not a source of pity or like he was a frail creature going to break, he didn't know, didn't really care. What was relevant in the end, he believed, was the mutual satisfaction, the weekly exchange of blows and oddly domestic aftermaths. The shared intimacy. The _yearning._

And affection. 

Grimmjow sneered around his mouthful, something howled deep inside him, and he tore through what was left of the corpse at his feet, he pulled out the heart and eyed it with a particular sense of jealous admiration, and pictured himself prying open a tanned chest and cradling carefully the heart laying at the center, waiting as a treasure, for _him,_ to claim it. Still beating. Perfect between his hands. Grimmjow was sure it would taste like glory, pure ambrosia. 

That it would make him whole again. 

And there was the temptation, the itch to hunt and _claim._ Could he do it? Could he exploit the trust Ichigo granted him, oh so easily? Could he tear him to shreds and deprive himself of the tenderness? The care given so freely? Could he kill Ichigo and not die out of grief afterwards? 

That was the crux, he thought. 

Because he ached to devour the source of this feelings he wasn't supposed to feel, the oasis that could probably grant him respite, to maim and _destroy._ It was in his nature, his instinct. 

And it terrified him, haunted him, made him rage and snarl. Because this, this was the _one_ thing he wanted to keep, safe and _good,_ and just for him. 

Ichigo was so much more than just some temporary snack, he was warmth, and fire, the everlasting effects of a dying supernova, sweetness, _permanence,_ and all that mushy shit that came with love. 

_Love!_

Grimmjow _loved_ him. So desperately and so strongly, it was driving him insane. 

He had pictured a hundred of futures with Ichigo, in pieces at his feet, his blood staining his teeth, warm in his belly and heavy on his concious and regret… running along the dunes in Hueco Mundo, granting color to the blacks and whites in Las Noches, lively and sarcastic, and covered in bruises and bitemarks, in reds and purples and blues. _So fucking pretty. And his_. 

Always his. 

The last one was his personal favorite. Grimmjow would admit, Ichigo would just be the perfect _queen,_ worthy of a kingdom, and ready to beat him to the ground if he even dared to give him the title. And the memory made him giddy and miserable and drove him mad with grief and desire. 

_'We could keep him.'_ Pantera reminded him, helpful and hungry. 

Because they _could,_ without his powers, Ichigo wouldn't be able to deny him, but he would resent him, no matter what he said or what excuses he made to justify himself, for taking him away from the family he loved, the friends he cherished, the life he had fought tooth and nail to keep.

And still, _still…_

Opening the garganta had felt like an afterthought, what came next was just a blur. 

He hunted. 

[...] 

Ichigo wasn't sure what woke him. 

He gasped for air, lurching forward, trembling, a sense of foreboding following him back to wakefulness. The clock at his bedside table read 2:45 and he groaned mutely, shaky hands moved to rub at his face weakly and he looked towards his window, the world appeared… peaceful, the shine of the streetlights filtered in calmly, and he watched it idly, his uneasiness never really disappearing. He sensed something was out there, something dangerous. 

It frustrated him to no end, the inability to identify something that used to be like second nature, absently his hand fleeted in search of a well-known badge, finding nothing, like so many times before, hands clenching the smoothness of his covers as he contemplated his newfound vulnerability, he could still see, feel and hear, but he couldn't answer in the way he had grown used to do. 

He felt like crying, or like punching someone. 

In the end, he just sighed with annoyance and decided to lay back down and pretend he could get some semblance of rest, insomnia had really not been new for him at this point of life, which was just another thing to feel frustrated about. Not that everything was particularly terrible, he had his friends and family, safety and commodity, he had fought countless battles for the promise of a bright and secure future for those he cared about, and he had succeeded, he couldn't say he regretted the sacrifices he made to stand where he was right now. 

But he still longed for _more,_ a piece of him that was missing, a part he reached for and found gone, someone he called for to only have an empty echo answer back. 

Abscent.

Probably forever, and no one understood, but Ichigo knew they tried, in their own way, to help him cope or… or fixate in something else, but that wasn't what he really needed. 

He felt coddled, ignored to a certain extent. 

Then he was picturing sharp blue eyes and an infuriating smirk, and found himself sighing in light contentment, because at least there was someone that kinda understood. 

Grimmjow had come back to his life in the way promises once forgotten came to haunt you years in the future, when life had twisted so much in itself, you couldn't even fathom they held some kind of validity, but the ex-Espada had never held himself back by, well, pretty much anything, if Ichigo could bet. 

And the other man had been enraged, confused, downright _offended_ for his loss, for what it meant for him, most likely, but Ichigo had felt that someone finally _mourned_ with him, and then Grimmjow had been willing to adapt to get his retribution, and being able to _fight_ against an old enemy, now ally? Friend? _Something more?_ It… it had been liberating in the best kind of way. 

Ichigo would be lying if he said things for him hadn't taken a turn for the better when Grimmjow had become a constant. 

Didn't mean he was not going to feel embarrassed when saying that much. 

His heart gave a leap inside his chest and deep red bloomed on his cheeks, it was cheer power of will that stopped him from kicking his legs and making sounds that were probably more expected to come out of a lovestruck teenager than a college student. The sudden influx of feelings almost served to placate the nervous anticipation clutching tightly at his senses. 

And then the _threat_ that it had tried to warn him about came crashing through his window.

Glass broke with simplicity, shards gleaming mesmerizingly as they fell towards the covers of his bed and the floor, Ichigo thought he screamed in surprise, rearing back until the wall stopped him, arms covering at his face instinctively as he made himself as small as possible. Something, _someone,_ was standing over his bed now, between the mess that was created by the remains of his window, Ichigo moved his arms away to look at the intruder, body taut with adrenaline, heart beating so strongly he felt it might give out, hazel eyes encountered a well known form, all sharp edges and strong pose, strands of flowing blue hair and shining blue eyes. 

_What?_

"Grimmjow!?" It was a sputtered hiss, confused and angry, and as tense as how he felt, the other looked at him intently, smiling, all sharp teeth and purring satisfaction. 

Predatory. 

Ichigo felt his breath hitch, a fear of sorts growing inside him. _Danger,_ his brain screeched, and he struggled to make sense of what was happening, because _it was Grimmjow,_ the one that had spent hundreds of afternoons at his side, fighting strongly and then holding him tightly, hearing and sharing mutual secrets and vulnerability. 

Comforting. 

The man he loved. 

And now he looked all kinds of vicious, and jagged and _wrong._

Like he was ready to eat him up. 

Ichigo gulped slowly, blue eyes following every single twitch and move from his muscles, he was trembling again, he realized, and the motions were almost making the hollow vibrate in his place, Ichigo wondered if he could smell his fear, bone-deep and permanating his every action, he wondered if it was of any use to put up a strong front. 

He scowled anyway. 

"Oi, what the hell!?" He growled, glaring at the arrancar, the creature stood up slowly, shuckling mirthfully, the sound sending shivers down his spine "Answer me!" 

Grimmjow held his hands up in a gesture that tried to be placating, but even that appeared… unstable, somehow, Ichigo couldn't really explain it, the whole thing just felt like a complete oddity to him, surreal. Grimmjow spoke. 

"No need to get your panties in a twist, _I-chi-go."_ His voice was low, guttural, the way he said his name felt almost like a call of deep pleasure and mockery. It made his uneasiness grow, Grimmjow was just not making any sense, before he could demand an explanation, the other continued "I just came to get _you."_

As to prove his point, Grimmjow turned around, opening a garganta right in front of him, in the other side, Ichigo could see expanses of white sand and night sky surrounding the ruins of a palace, Las Noches shone as intimidating as he remembered it, then: "Come on." Grimmjow extended a clawed hand towards him, expression open and earnest. 

Ichigo panicked. 

"What!?" He scrambled, legs tangled in his sheets as he struggled to get out of bed. This had to be a joke, right? But Grimmjow's demeanor said otherwise, there was conviction in his movements, a kind of certainty that was so particularly _his,_ that Ichigo knew it was foolish to try and convince himself of the contrary, there was a reason why he felt so irrevocably desperate to put distance between the ex-Espada and him. Finally, he fell out of the bed, hitting the floor with a grunt and standing up quickly in tense legs. 

He needed to keep Grimmjow distracted, maybe, just maybe, he could get his mind off whatever weird idea he had come up with and then he could berate him for breaking his window and giving him this fucking massive scare, and they would meet up for their usual date and Ichigo would beat the living shit out of his gigai and _everything would be fine again._

_Yeah._

Grimmjow huffed, making him snap back into attention, wide-eyed and scrambling for something, anything, to get his excuse of a plan going. 

The arrancar tsked, tail flickering with annoyance behind him "I know you are slow, but I think I was being pretty fucking clear with what I was saying, everything alright in that head of yours, berry? Need me to kiss it better?" 

The jabs were teasing, and they pissed Ichigo to no end. "What I need is for you to start making sense, you asshole! You thought you could just crash through my window in the middle of the night, say shit like that and that I would just… be fine with it!? Just what the fuck are you thinking!?" 

Ichigo panted, fists clenched at his sides, eyes blazing in fury that smothered out the suffocating press of fear in his chest, still standing on his bed, Grimmjow watched him, dumbfounded, probably take aback by the sudden outburst, and then he was laughing, delighted. 

"That's more like it!" He crooned, pleased by the fire and indignation, knowing that Ichigo wouldn't be able to deny him, but expecting the other to put up a fight anyway. It was meant to happen. This fight, before one of them gave in. Grimmjow's stance widened, thrilled. The sudden action made Ichigo scramble backwards, body hitting the desk at the other side of the room, fear spiking once more, somehow, that response had been enough to shut down whatever hopeful spark Ichigo had ignited in regards to salvaging this situation. And Grimmjow, Grimmjow remained ready to pin him down. 

Then, Ichigo was grabbing at the lamp that rested innocently next to his books and launching it directly at the arrancar's face, not even waiting for it to make contact before he was launching himself towards the door, clenching his teeth as he felt glass cutting through his feet, he opened the door harshly, pulse rushing. 

He ran. 

Behind him, Grimmjow allowed the object to crash against his forearms, bits and pieces scattering next to the shards of glass already resting around him, the garganta at his side closed off. Pantera howled. 

And he chased. 

[...] 

His steps resounded around the emptiness of his home, Ichigo didn't know if it was luck or misery that a few days prior his father and sisters had decided to go on a trip, leaving him behind because school projects required him to stay. On one side, they would be safe from the creature following him, on the other, he was going to have to face this on his own, and find a way to make it out alive and remaining in the place where he _wanted to be._

Oh, gods, if he didn't succeed, would they know what happened to him? Where to find him? Who was responsible? 

Would he ever see them again? 

The thought made him choke on his next breath, staggering, he slid through the front door and swung it shut with intensity, he hoped it had hit Grimmjow in the face, he wasn't sure it mattered and he didn't stop to check, that would be the stupidest thing he could do. Right now, his priority was to not get caught, maybe find help, if he was quick, maybe he could reach Urahara's shop, and they could get Grimmjow to calm the fuck down. 

That sounded like a more solid strategy than just running aimlessly and hoping the arrancar would get bored, at least. 

He couldn't exactly take the closest route to his destination with the hollow following so close behind, but this was _his town,_ Ichigo knew every alleway and shortcut that could take him where he needed to be, and he had to take advantage of that before it was too late. 

So he dived at dark corners, used sudden changes of light in what he hoped was disorienting for the other, leaping and crawling, with his heart thumping loudly against his chest and wind rushing through his ears. 

When he caught sight of a well-known shop at the distance, he could have cried in relief right there. Ichigo didn't dare slow down, though, with cuts and bruises already forming, and fear still grabbing at him tightly, he couldn't be sure of having found safety just yet. 

When he heard the scrap of claws against concrete and excited snarl behind him, Ichigo swore he felt his blood freezing within his veins, a new surge of horror choking him. Lungs aching and feet throbbing, his body might as well give out on him at any second, he was so _tired,_ running on fumes, but he demanded himself to keep going. 

_Faster. Faster. Faster!_

_He was so close._

Panting, strut turning messy, he stumbled, again and again, frustration mixing with the terror snaking around him, he almost sobbed, and gasped, trying to get his lungs to work properly so that he could scream for help. 

Air was knocked out of him as another body rammed into him, making him skid across the ground, skin peeling away and blood blooming from the arm that had taken the brunt of the impact, Ichigo yelled, feeling the light press of a palm against his neck, the pinprick of talons being put against the skin, as a promise. _A threat._

"Very smart." Grimmjow hummed, in praise and annoyance "Would have been interesting to fight for the right of taking you, but I think it's better to keep this between _us,"_ A low growl next to his ear, Ichigo bit his lip to avoid whimpering like he wanted to, squirming "We have been waiting for long enough." 

"Get off me!" It was a screech, undignified, fueled by his rage and panic and betrayal, deep and aching, he started to thrash around, feeling the way claws sank into his skin, carving in uneven patterns until he managed to dislodge them with a quick hit from his elbow. Grimmjow hissed, moving back but trying to press him down again quickly, the opening was already there, though, and Ichigo took it gratefully, turning around to face him and doubling over to throw his full weight against the hollow. The impact was enough to send the other back, sprawled against the ground, and Ichigo was already scrambling to get back on his feet. 

He knew it was an useless effort to try and stun the other further, the strength of a human body meant less than nothing to someone like Grimmjow in his true form, but he would be _damned_ if he didn't fight tooth and nail for a _chance_ to get away. 

Soon enough, his body was once again hitting the ground, but Ichigo was ready this time, knee raised to hit Grimmjow where he landed atop him, fists ready to hit at anything he could reach. Ichigo felt like an animal, searching for bland spots, throwing kicks and punches and biting at anything that got too close to his mouth, sneering, he felt like he was moving against a piece of debris, and it hurt, _hurt, hurt, so badly,_ every punch and kick and bite, Grimmjow's hands moved wildly, as if he was honestly having trouble to get him under control. He would have found it funny, if he wasn't so caught up in his own panic. 

When he was finally pinned down, arms held tight above his head and thighs being crushed by the knees of the other man, he was heaving with effort, vision blurry and ears ringing, he felt disoriented and exhausted, but still his brain was screeching, desperate, demanding to _fight, fight, fight!_ And save himself. But he couldn't manage. He was tired and beaten and _helpless._

_He was terrified._

Grimmjow huffed, looking down at the mess that was Ichigo Kurosaki, trembling and struggling, he was crying, Grimmjow noted, despite the vicious expression plastered on his face, and he reeked of fear and frustration, it made something inside him churn uncomfortably, _guilt,_ a voice inside him supplied, making him chitter something soft, something he hopped was comforting, he manipulated the hands he was holding so that they were resting together, held down by just one of his, and he moved the other to wipe away the tears being let out by his mate. He received a bite for his trouble, hissing more out of surprise than any real pain. The ex-Espada pondered the option of roaring at the other until he submitted, but _no,_ Ichigo was just scared, he was lashing out because the situation was alien and intimidating, Grimmjow needed to keep the composure for the two of them, he needed to calm his human down, make him feel secure and at ease, this was the start of their eternity together, Ichigo had argued for his right to remain here, in the world of the living, but he had lost, because Grimmjow had caught him and restrained him, and now he will convince him that it was _okay._

The arrancar used his free hand to pet the orange strands of hair, being slow and methodical, he crooned lightly, nuzzling at the bared neck and shoulder, muttering sounds of light reassurance that he wasn't all that sure Ichigo understood, but that proved usefull as the other finally settled down. Tired and hiccuping. 

He was as beautiful as always. 

Bloodied and bruised and defiant. 

_And his._

Grimmjow trilled, all soft happiness and appreciation, picking at the dropplets of blood flowing through one of the cuts on Ichigo's throat and smearing it around further, eyes shining, manic in his own happiness. 

Almsot without noticing, he approached the exposed throat, sniffing at the sweat and blood covering the skin, finding the smell of iron and dirt and what was so distinctively _Ichigo,_ absently, he let his tongue lick the outline of the human's neck, humming in delight. His fangs ached to sink in, bring forward more of that sweet cherry red, Grimmjow allowed his teeth to hover over the skin partially covered by the shirt that the boy was wearing, one small bite couldn't hurt, right? A mark, to guard him from other predators, to signal him as his. 

Under him, Ichigo struggled, gasping and whining curses and insults, pleading too, he continued to caress his head lightly, massaging his scalp to reassure him, and biting down, the richness of Ichigo's blood filled his mouth soon after, and he hummed his appreciation, purring, feeling full and something near complete for the first time in months. 

He thought Ichigo might be screaming, but it was kind of difficult to focus on that when his own thoughts were howling their appreciation. 

He let go after a few seconds, or minutes, when he had granted himself of some mouthfulls of the delicacy of his mate's blood, pulling back lightly, giving tiny licks to clean around the indents he had left behind, his mark, on Ichigo, bound to leave a pretty scar, permanent. The first of many others. 

Another croon, and he had to force himself to pull back more fully before the urge to sink his teeth back in turned into something _uglier._

He still allowed himself to nible lightly at the throat, though. 

Grimmjow moved back completely, prying himself off of Ichigo with a grunt of displeasure, for the foreplay was over and he needed to take him back home, to their den, so that he could look at his wounds and let him rest, turning slightly, he gave Ichigo a moment to breath and say his last goodbyes. 

The human continued to sob brokenly, curling at his side and covering his mawled shoulder with weak fingers, he attempted to scuttle away, pushing with his arm and legs, but not getting far, his vision swimmed, surroundings out of focus, as he decided to put forward his last card, using the blood seeping out of the bitemark on his shoulder, and painting a hasty message that he prayed was found by the members of the shop. 

Ichigo hollered weakly when he felt hands over him once more, picking him up and craddling him softly against a warm chest, shivering, he couldn't help but scuttle closer, desperate for comfort, even if it came from the person that had hurted him this terribly. 

Grimmjow purred at him again, holding him even tighter, looking soft and… and nice against the moonlight, this was the closest Ichigo had seen him be to the Grimmjow he was used to, and he whimpered, feeling how the other was starting to walk towards the opening that would take them to his new prision. Ichigo would have fought, but his limbs felt heavy, and he was struggling to even stay awake, his body finally succumbing to the exhaustion and stress. 

Before giving out completely, he thought he muttered a weak _'Why?'_

Grimmjow had looked down at him, lips quirked in a grin and eyes shining full of glee. 

_"Because…"_ Ichigo thought he heard him say _"Because I love you."_

As he fell unconcious, Ichigo hoped that the hollow's love was just a nightmare. 

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, thanks for reading this mess!


End file.
